*JK*

You see this guy? His name is Josh, I like to call him Joshua for fun! Well he kinda has my heart ... shhh .... Do you see that smile on his face? Well he never smiles in pictures, besides pics with his boys, but I do think that his smile means I kinda have his heart too!

Our very first date he asked me to go to church with him. I won't lie, that pretty much did me in without knowing much about him.  What fella does that? And then on that 3rd Sunday of the month, he asked me to his attend his baptism. From that point on, we have been pretty much inseparable. Some may say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and I do believe that, however; I can't stand to be away from this guy (and I am 99.73% sure he feels the same) Guess you could say I have a HUGE schoolgirl crush on him, and that's okay, I don't mind, because I honestly do.

I am so glad that God placed him in my (our) life. It was something so very unexpected, and neither of us were "looking" but it happened, and things have fallen into place. The right place.  I always prayed to God that he would give me a "Christian country boy who drove a big red truck" and you know what ... I got just that AND more! His beard and two boys! God does hear our prayers, even when they are something like this!!

I/we sit back weekly, and sometimes daily since we live apart, watching our children play with one another and fight as if they have known one another for years! I am so thankful for our children's relationship too. Blended families as I continue to read, are NOT an easy thing. This is why I am praying, as our relationship continues to grow with one another, it also continues to grow in Christ. This guy prays for me, and I pray for him; we pray for our children and what our future will one day be. A conversation that we had one evening, months ago via text, that I will never forget goes something like this: (not gonna lie, I actually saved this text)

Josh: So what are you doing?
Me: Reading my devo, and listening to praise and worship
Josh: I love it when you read your devotional
Me: Why is that?
Josh: Because I read mine, and when we are both in God's word that is an awesome thing. Having a strong relationship with God is the key to lasting relationships on earth.


                                                             SWOON

I can NOT tell you ladies, and guys if you are reading, how my heart melted at that exact moment!
A guy who puts our Heavenly Father first and foremost, in his life is a keeper I'm afraid. In all my years of being married, I did not have that. I am not here to judge by any means, and to each their own, but it was something I had always wanted. I enjoy the deep conversations we have about Christ and sharing bible verses and what they mean to each of us. The conversations we have about trusting God with what He plans for our future are amazing.

I'll stop gushing for now, but I will say I am one lucky and blessed girl to have him and his two little fellas in my life! This is just another reminder to me of  Joel 2:25.

they are lucky

crave

Crave (verb)  to have a very strong desire for something; to want greatly

Why crave? We all crave something. For children, it could be toys or candy, for teenagers, it may be the latest fashion, for men, possibly something to do with food or even sports, and for women? The list could go on and on ... a tidy house, no arguing children, chocolate!!

For King and Country, a Christian band, Crave is the title of one of their songs. The first time I heard it performed was live, at our church, The Church at Argyle, in Jacksonville, FL. My girls begged that night to buy band merchandise and I caved, and we bought the CD. Crave is the very last song on this album. As I listen to the lyrics sang daily, yes I said daily, because this is how much we listen to this album, it is no joke that we all crave for hope. I know I do.

For me personally speaking, I have always hoped or craved that I could move on in my life, move on from the bitterness and anger that I was hanging onto towards my ex. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more, and it was this song that really began to stick out:

Hope is what we crave, and that will never change
So I stand and wait
I need a drop of grace to carry me today,
A simple song to say
It's written on my soul;
Hope's what we crave.

I needed God's grace to get me through this difficult time in my life. It was only God's grace, that I could look at this individual (if truth be told) weekly at church as if nothing had ever happened between us. It was by God's grace that I could be loving and kind to this individual. There have been many friends in my life who, on a regular basis would ask me how I could even stand to be in the same room with him, and I would simply reply, grace. God's sweet grace (and forgiveness, but that will be another post!!) AND, I am no perfect individual myself, and I was undeserving of God's grace, but folks, that is all of us, and He loves us all just the same. 

I still crave for hope. I am extremely hopeful for my future, because I know, no matter what, God has something big and great and awesome in store me. I also stand firm in knowing as it is stated in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future of hope."

Blessings! xo

a few cool kids of mine

This kid is pretty awesome ... she was my first born, and is now officially taller than her mother! We get complimented often (well I do, uhmm) that we are sisters. I'll take that any given day of the week! She has no earthly idea how much she is adored by me. She is talented in just about any and everything she tries.

Now this little fella right here is a mess! I can not explain how much this guy means to me! He has completely      stolen his momma's heart (and I'm pretty sure he knows it!) He is definitely a momma's boy, and quite                            frankly I am okay with that. But for the most part, this little guy is our Superhero!

What can I say about my sweet baby E as she was once called. This kid was pure straight up gangster as a baby and toddler. It was her way or no way ... We used to have a saying "A happy Ella, makes a happy everyone" Luckily, it no longer works that way. 

My little "red" as we like to call her. Or, ginger, gingersnap, I've heard firecracker maybe even once or twice. This little chick was once the shy one, until one day decided she was no longer going to be shy or quiet and came out of that shell pretty abrupt! Hey, I'm not complaining, because she is her momma's sidekick and always makes sure that I am okay!

These little people sure do have a special place in my heart. I am so thankful that God has chosen me to be their mommy! There are so many days that honestly, I would like to throw in the towel because I am over all the fighting and bickering, and the "stop looking at me" or "mom, he stuck out his tongue" or "ooohhh she said a bad word" .... but this is life, and how unfair would that be if I gave up and quit. I wasn't raised a quitter. I could never abandon this precious cargo that God has given me to take care of. Sometimes I feel God has given me this supernatural strength to get through some of the toughest and longest days with them, but we just do it, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world! 

Joel 2:25

For I will repay you for what the locust have eaten.  Joel 2:25

2013 was quite the whirlwind in my personal life, however, it was this Bible verse that I seemed to grasp and hold onto that got me through some of my most painful days.

What have the locust eaten or destroyed?  Israel's crops had been destroyed by these locust, and the impact was more than a year, possibly consecutive years. The crops had been completely wiped out and would take years to redevelop.  Joel used this as an illustration of God restoring what he had promised. To his people who would have a repentant heart, he would place blessing after judgement.

When I think back through this year, and even 2012, I can honestly see where this verse is and has become very relevant in my life. The painful separation and divorce I went through once again was truly giving way. I felt so worthless, insecure and guilty to put my sweet children through the painful process once again. I did know, without a doubt, that God was there with us, and HE was the only one who was going to restore what was taken away. Of course, I wanted it right then and there, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. It was going to take time. His time. His healing. His grace.

I will end this post with this ... I look forward to sharing with you just how God continues to restore our lives.

xo

My ever wandering mind

I have come back here for a few reasons:

1. I really enjoy writing (I wish I would have majored in journalism in college, but seeing I could never make up my mind, and still haven't ... well maybe I should, I mean technically I could because I still have not graduated with that degree. I tell myself one day it will happen!)

2. I have a lot of down time at work rather at home, so I have a little time when I'm not busy here.

3. Not that anyone is necessarily interested in what is going on in our crazy lives, I still feel I'd rather jot it down here than on Facebook.

4. Maybe this should have been my #1 ... but as an encouragement to others. Letting you know what God is up to do in my life, and hopefully that can encourage you in someway.  I am so thankful to be a daughter AND Princess to our one and only King!

So today, be blessed! xo